"You are not wearing that shirt with those pants, are you?" My wife says to me.

"I was, but I'm not now," I say to myself, as I make my way back to the bedroom to change to something else.

I learned to dress myself early in life. Of course it was less complicated growing up in the hills. My wardrobe consisted of two pairs of overalls, one to wear while the other was in the wash, a dress-up outfit for church and funerals that was a hand-me-down from my brother, and a union suit (long underwear with button front and a drop seat in the rear).

In the summer time when you got up in the morning, all that was necessary was to put on the overalls and clip the galluses to the brass button. No one wore underwear in the summer, and shoes and socks were not worn till the first snow. When winter came, union suits were put on, as well as socks, and you slept in them to keep warm, only taking them off for the occasional once-a-month winter bath.

In high school my wardrobe consisted of two pairs of corduroy pants, one brown and one navy blue, plus two flannel shirts, one being blue and red plaid, and the other brown and green plaid. Getting dressed was not a what-to-wear problem.

While in the Navy, I only had to look in the Plan of the Day to know what uniform to wear. Life got a bit more complicated when I retired. I did learn which tie went with each suit, and in those days all business men wore white shirts.

Speaking of ties, over the last 30 years I have accumulated 47 ties. Forty-four of them are out of style, and all but five of them have food, grease, or some kind of spot on them.

One is put away with what I call my funeral suit, to be worn to somebody else's or my own funeral, whichever comes first. The other two are brown accented and blue accented paisley ties, which since retiring, I seldom have occasion to wear. I prefer turtlenecks which have no overhang to collect food spots, so if the spaghetti splatters, the turtleneck can be thrown in the washer.

I have learned over the years that almost any color goes with khaki trousers. It is necessary to wear brown or tan socks, a brown belt, and brown shoes, but you can get away with most any color shirt, or if you must wear a tie, any color except gray is OK with a white shirt.

A navy sport coat is always good. I noticed that one of the four buttons was missing from one sleeve of my blue jacket, so I cut the fourth button off one sleeve, and now they match with three buttons each.

"You look nice, dear. Why didn't you put that on in the first place?"